How to Ruin Your Conference (For Dummies!)

Have you ever asked yourself, “This is the biggest conference of my career… how can I ensure this event ranks in the top 10 of my worst day’s ever category? Well you’re in luck! I have gathered together some of the best tips to ensure your conference will become a dismal failure. If you follow my simple guidelines, your co workers are bound to be talking about this failure at the next Christmas party. (Probably after everyone’s had a few cocktails) You're sure to have your own poster with a picture of you and a caption reading, “Some careers are meant to serve as a warning to others!”
*** All sound clips are from actual calls ***

Talk as fast as you can!
You always want to speak as fast as you can and make sure you slur your words a little. It’s not like your attendees are at your conference because they’re interested in what you have to say. If you plan on sharing your phone number or email address with your attendees, make sure you say it as fast as you can, and only say it once. You wouldn’t want your attendees to actually get your contact information would you?




Love your speaker phone!
Nothing tells your attendees, “I don’t care about your experience,” quite like a speaker phone. Not only do speaker phones make you sound like you’re calling from a cell phone in an air port bathroom. The wonderful machines will pick up the conversation your co workers are having two cubicles down; speaker phones will even pick up cell phone vibration on the table.




Do the Darth!
Everyone loves Darth Vader. Using a head set with a boom microphone is a best practice; however, nothing turns this best practice into a living nightmare quite like having the microphone too close to your nose. The only thing worse than the creepy Darth Vader breathing, is telling your attendees that you’re their daddy…




Never hit your mute button!
Above all else, if you want to ruin your conference, never, ever, hit your mute button. If you hit your mute button, your attendees might miss someone in the back ground bashing the speaker, slandering the company, or worse, we may miss your latest rendition of, “This Conference Blows Chunks.”




All kidding aside, it’s difficult to quantify what makes a great conference, It’s infinitely easier to see what makes a terrible conference. If you learn to avoid the above items, you will be well on your way to a successful conference.

~ Kyle Jackson